"Coffee in one hand, confidence in the other."
I was going to start this blog talking about how you can never have too much ambition or drive, but I just could not make the words flow out of me like these blogs normally do. Instead, I let this blog sit here... with about 7 words on it for 14 days. Last night I had a dream and one of my friends looked me in the eyes and we had a conversation.
My Friend: "Youre 20, right?"
Me: "Ummm, yeah... why?"
My Friend: "What would you tell 15 year old you? Even if you know you would not listen to it?"
So, that is not what this blog is dedicated to... and I know exactly what I would say.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I know I am not the only person in this world that has a problem with being too hard on themselves. My momma always told me that I am my worst critic, and I have never heard anything closer to the truth. I will be the first to start over on a project that I think is not perfect as well as am willing to pick up the slack of others to make sure it is perfect. I always blamed it on the idea of, "would I be proud to have my name at big bold letter at the top center of the project." If the answer was no then it had to start all over. I know this is extreme but this is how 15 year old me thought.
I would tell 15 year old me that a C on a transcript is not the end of the world. Not having a perfect volleyball game was nothing to shed a tear about, and that just because you colored outside the lines did not mean you had to get a new paper. In other words. Enjoy the mistakes, the screwups, and at the end of the day it will wash out, but you will learn so much and will be able to enjoy the process much more than stressing yourself out because it isn't perfect.
Love hard even though it is bound to hurt.
Alrighty girlie. I know that you have already been hurt a few times by loving too hard. Not with boys but with friends. You have had people stab you in the back while you would take a punch for them. You have had people tell you they hated you when you could have sworn you did everything you could to make them like you. I know that by now you are starting to close off because it just hurts. Don't do it. You are the person that will always give a hug. You are the person that will allow someone you barely know to cry on your shoulder. You are the person that will show up to a strangers party just because they invited you and you know that they will be sad if there is a low turnout. You do everything with love, and that is what others love about you. Don't stop loving hard for everyone you come across, it's one of your best qualities no matter how much it hurts.
Don't let others hate reek havoc on your kindness.
This one is one that will be tough. Keeping in good spirits when everyone is trying to bring you down is not the easiest thing to be doing, but here I know this is going to be an issue. You will have days where positive Polly just does not exist. You will have days where all you want to do is cry. That is okat, but do not let others turn you cold. You were not born to be cold; you are the sunshine when you walk into the room... do not let anyone take that away from you.
You will relearn what "love" truly is a few times more than you think.
Listen, I know you think you already know what this 4 letter word means. You don't. You are in love with the idea of love, but it will take a few tries to actually experience what some would consider love, and even when you experience this there is a pretty solid chance that they are not your soulmate (I know this because I am 5 years older living your life) You will think that it is love and at that time it is, but you will also learn that there are many forms of love and finding the true love you seek will not happen for a while. Heck, I am future you and I am not even sure if I have found it yet, but do not look for it. If it is meant to be it will fall in your lap. You will not see it coming. Just focus on you and the right one will pop in and scare the heck out of you in the best way possible.
You will grow into it all... I promise.
I know you look at your nose in the mirror everyday. I know you look at your LONG legs everyday. I know you look at your feet that could be canoes for children everyday. I know you look at your hands that feel much bigger than the rest of you everyday. I know you look at yourself and are not comfortable and feel like a freak of nature everyday. Well, sweetheart... I hate to break it to you, but you are a freak of nature, but that is okay, because when you move to L.A. you will be able to put on a short dress that accentuates your long legs that still seem miles long. You will toss on shoes that don't seem as big as they used to be. You will put rings on the hands that seem proportional to the rest of you. You will put on makeup and notice your nose looks almost small on your face anymore. When you do all of this and go to one of the fanciest places in L.A. the paparazzi will look at you for a minute to make sure that they are not supposed to be taking pictures of you. So, I promise that even though it will bring you to tears now... you will grow into it all and look smoking hot while doing it.
Confidence will make the biggest difference.
Momma always told you that a confident smile is the pretties thing that a girl can wear, and I promise you she is not wrong. There is not a stronger power in this world than being confident in your own skin while becoming the badass you are. So put on that dress and show them who is boss, because how do you expect them to know if you never tell them?
You are the one that all people to have power over you. Don't play victim.
You allow people to have power over you and your mindset. This can be negative or positive and no matter the outcome the only person you can blame is yourself. So get out of your pity party self and take control. You are in charge, but you are letting other people act like they are.
Being proud of yourself is not bragging.
GIRL! Scream about those accomplishments. I do not care if you are talking about winning 3rd at districts after a softball game at 1 in the morning when you were in the 3rd grade! YOU EARNED THAT RIGHT WHEN THEY GAVE YOU A TROPHY. Just because you talk about your accomplishments does not mean you are bragging. If anything you are just showing the world who they are dealing with.
You are a badass, but you gotta start thinking like one.
Take everything I said into consideration, because the sooner you do... the sooner you will get the badass mindset that you need to conquer the world.
Well, that came out better than I thought it would. I know I am "only" 20 and I have a lot left to learn, but I do feel that some of the wisdom I have already gained would have been very empowering to my younger self. Is there anything you wish you could go back and tell your younger self?
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