"I have a tendency to be my worst enemy, and love is no exception."
Well, the cat is out of the bag. Josephine has fallen for someone, and trying to regain my grounding in what is seemingly a very healthy relationship... weird that that is deemed odd to me.
Anyways... I have noticed some struggles in myself while navigating this new relationship, and the biggest thing is GUYS - I MAKE SHIT UP! Like the way this man can just have called me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I will convince myself that he doesn't like me anymore and truly never wants to see my face again. WHY DO I DO THIS?? I have no clue. However - something that really has helped me in growing in this relationship personally while also growing in love and care for this human, was that I told him that I was feeling a little insecure and just needed a touch of reassurance.
*I would like to note that anytime I have asked for this in the past I have been told that I am needy or that I should not need reassurance, I should just know.
Instead, he looks at me and says, "Okay, let's unpack this. Why are we feeling this way?" I then took him through every hill and valley that was my thought process, and he sat there and listened. After I finished my 90 seconds of word vomit he reassured me of all the thoughts I have been having and helped me set everything straight. This might seem small, it might seem needy, but we are both aware that we are not perfect - and if I need to hear that he does not hate me then he will continue to say how much he adores me until I get sick of hearing it. (Which I never will.)
I tell you this story because honestly, I feel like sometimes when it comes to people and things that we love - we can get in our own way. It is usually due to past disappointment and insecurities that we have developed through previous relationships (there is even someone who told me that I did not look good in a bikini and I have not worn one to this day because of it.. still working through that mental block..) Neither here nor there self-sabotage and trust issues are things that I am working through this year and probably the rest of my life.
I honestly will never forget when it dawned on me that I have trust issues. I was on a plane to New York. I had just gotten into a massive fight with my boyfriend as he dropped me off at the airport, and was talking to my mother via text message. I don't even know what lead us to this part of the conversation, but she said, "Well, you do have some pretty severe trust issues." and I was like Ouch I have been called out, but do I really? The more I looked into my life in the middle of LAX the more I realized that I DO have the worst of trust issues. It's something I am working on, but in this industry, and especially in marketing all we do is deceive, and some of us are REALLY good liars. I have no choice in my head but to assume that all of us are lying. Yes, I know that is once again in my head, and we are working on it. lol
What are some things that you catch yourself self-sabotaging about?
xoxo
Josephine A. Meinardus
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