The questions "How are you today?" or "Are you Okay?" are sometimes the hardest questions to answer. Not because life isn't great, but because truly.. truly... sometimes it is not.
I had my aunt who reads my blog asked me the other day to "catch her up" in a text message that I have read, but I still do not know how to respond to. Catch up from where? Since I left home? Since my most recent friendship fallout? Since learning once more that outgrowing people is normal? Since I have learned that staying quiet no matter how badly you want to speak will be heard much better than speaking at all? Since I last got homesick? Since I last cried? Because in reality... all of this has happened in the past week.
I do not want this blog to be sad all the time, and truly I do not feel like it is sad; it is just real. You guys are kind of like a diary to me, and it is publicly shared on the internet with no remorse. Is this what they meant when talking about generation Z oversharing on the internet? Because I have low key built a brand around doing just that! Haha!
Well, let me do my best to catch you up in the meantime..
I do not remember the last time I did a, "Let me catch you up" blog post, but I can assume it was before the month of July.
July was crazy and it really did not lighten up no matter how hard I tried. We had The Fashionprenuer Experience where I had the bright idea to create a tech pack and pattern card for every garment (40+) that was involved in the simulation about a week prior to, and then I decided not to start on this massive project until about 48 hours before we went live... now that is where I screwed up yes, yes, I know... however! I am nothing if not a girl that gets it done no matter what! I did stay up for over 24 hours after all of my CADs deleted, cried at least 3 times, sobbed in front of my boss asking never to do this again, printed the final tech's in Kii's floor while he made me dinner, and fell asleep on top of the covers before even taking a shower. Luckily, he was a gem and a half and woke me up to make sure I ate, and at least get under the covers. The next day the simulation went off without a hitch and everyone was very impressed. I went back to Kii's that night and crashed again with no remorse. That was honestly the only really exciting thing about July.
Let's move to August! I went home to see Momma for her birthday! We had so much fun! We went to wineries, sang Karaoke, baptized my God-daughter, and really just enjoyed being all together for a minute! I did come back to some sad things, but all in good timing truly... everything happens for a reason.. right? I don't really want to talk about that part. The wound has scabbed over and really prefer it not scar.
Jumping into September. I launched my Apparel Production firm officially, I started moving around for Bridal Belle again, I started going out with my friends more, I started going clubbing every now and then, and really did not say no to getting outside a whole lot. Anytime I wasn't working I was out and about trying to create some sort of normal 21 year old memories even though there were a few around me that made it known they didn't like that I was changing.. not like that stopped me.
October... this was a month that I was going to divulge all the details of the shit that was the month of October. However, although you are my diary.. those are doors I closed on October 31st and I refuse to open them up. Just know that I am all glued back together now, and that October was a month of survival not much of anything else. We made it through and although there are not words being shared, we all know that we are there if we really need it. I did dye my hair though! Much needed and blondie is happily back.
Ah the month that we are currently in... Thank GOD! I am actually doing well this month... except for the fact that I am writing this while I have strep throat. I missed out on our Black Friday photoshoot which was SUPER annoying. In all other aspects it has been pretty great. I am chatting it up with someone I really enjoy. Luckily, I am just getting to know him a little better (even though we have known each other for quite a while) and allowing myself to take it slow and not rush into something else. This is a toxic trait of mine trying to avoid other feelings by just hopping into others, so I am truly proud of this development. But Y'ALL! I am low key starting to get a real crush on this guy. I am not going to divulge a ton of details, but even though the dating world is a little odd here in LA.. I think he might be catching feelings for me too. We shall see, we shall see... but I cannot say that I am not smiling while writing this section.
We do have a bit of November left, but I will be spending Thanksgiving with one of my best friends here in LA, and will be celebrating a birthday of someone special just a few days before. I am getting to really see my work come to life at Irregular Exposure and in my side gigs. Not to mention I am working on some BIG things to hopefully be shared next month moving into 2023. Because I tell you what... 2023 is MY YEAR... this year has been good to me in learning myself, making mistakes, and once again realizing that I am a rare human on this earth. However, I surround myself consistently with rare humans, and each one of them knows that value they bring/ brought to my life.
All in all, one of the biggest lessons I have learned this year has come from some painted Koi fish that were swimming in a circle as a group of three. The body, mind, and soul must align for full control over yourself. This makes you, you. When those three don't agree... the only one in pain is you.
On that note, just keep swimming. I cannot guarantee that it will get better, but it can't stay this bad forever; right?
Much love,
Josephine Anastasia Meinardus
Comments