"I followed my heart... and it led me to the airport."
In honor of moving to Los Angeles in a little over a week. This blog is all about how I really feel about moving to California. Now, I do want to forewarn you. I am about to be vulnerable, I am going to tell you the truth, but, that does not mean I am asking for help. I am just hear to share and give motivation to follow your dreams. No matter how much they scare you.
I have dreamed of being a fashion designer since I was knee high to a grasshopper. Although most peoples dreams change, mine never did. I am no longer moving to California to be a fashion designer. So, that has changed. But, the dream still stands strong. To create, market, and change peoples lives with clothing. With all that being said, here is how I truly feel about moving to California.
I am scared and excited. These two words seem small but at this moment in my life they mean so much more. I am a small town girl from Arkansas who has always dreamed of moving somewhere to follow my dreams. But, if you have ever tried to break out of the mold of a small town you know the flack you get. Not only was I told that I would never be able to handle the lifestyle. I was also told, "There is no way in hell that someone with a brain in the fashion world would hire you." This was said to me when I was 14 years old. At that point I played limbo with something safe and my dream. I was having a hard time deciding (and here is where everyone will gasp) if I wanted to be a lawyer or a fashion designer.... two totally opposite ends of the spectrum, I know. After this comment was made I almost gave up. I almost gave up fighting for my dream. I almost made a massive mistake.
I am scared.
Honestly, I do not feel that scared is the right word. Afraid of failure I think is more of what I am looking for. I have always been terrified of failing. In turn, to avoid failure I push myself to the limit to make sure that when I am at that finish line I have not failed. But, if I do, I have put every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears as humanly possible to make sure that the failure was not due to lack of effort. So, I guess that would mean I am not scared. I am afraid of having to look some of the most important people in my life in the eye and say, "I have failed"
I am excited.
I feel extatic is a better word for this feeling. I am so utterly giddy for this new adventure that I cannot put into words what I am actually feeling. The new things I will learn, the skills that will only improve, the new adventures I will take, to finally be able to be myself. All of which make me chuckle at how excited I am and they have not even started yet. So without rambling on. I am excited. So freaking excited.
The decision to go to The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising was made sitting on the kitchen counter talking to my mom while she was cooking. I was bawling, saying that I did not know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. At that moment she looked and me and said, "Let's play a game." Of course I agreed and then she said, "I want you to close your eyes. Now, imagine yourself in five years. Okay, you can only take 5 seconds to answer this next question; go with your gut. What campus are you standing on?" my immediate answer was FIDM. Since that moment my mom has been my biggest cheerleader in making my dreams come true. We both knew what I wanted and we were going to fight are best fight to get it.
So, if I am being honest with you right now (which I am) I would tell you that I am terrified to go to California. I am so scared of failing that it almost makes me sick. But, what prevails over the fear is, the excitement. The thought of a new adventure that makes butterflies go everywhere and a smile spread across your face when you least expect it. This adventure causes a massive amount of stress, fear, and excitement but I cannot explain to you how good it is going to feel when I make it. When I land that job, start that successful startup, and make my dreams come true. It will feel so good to look into the eyes of every single person that doubted me, that didn't believe in me, that told me I could never make it and say "I made it." How I truly feel about going to California is an obvious mix of emotions but the one that stands out the most is determined excitement. So determined to make your dreams come true that you are already excited for the "I made it" moment.
Much love,
Comments