"Exit gracefully, heal and grow, never look back."
Well hello everyone! I know it has been forever, and I truly have a million things to tell you, but not a single one of them is coming to mind at the moment. Haha! Isn't that the worst ever??
Hmmm... all I can truly say with my whole chest is that God is good. I have been experiencing a ton of spiritual warfare, as well as just doing my best to keep things moving without getting too overwhelmed. I will say that it is pretty rare at this point that I feel overwhelmed to the point of being paralyzed. I might be overwhelmed enough to where I just have a hard time breathing, but I am not running into my moments of being unable to get anything due to EVERYTHING that has to get done.
In this time of growth for me in the past few months though - I have been having a hard time with the fact that I am growing faster, in a different direction, or just all around differently than the other people around me. I have closed more doors in the past 6 months on people than I have opened them. Not to mention each one of them has shown why they need to stay closed! I know everyone says that when you close a door and lock it do not try to open it back up - but I am a lover girl and I just could not help it. Then - I saw how deflated I felt and realized all the reasons I had kept that door locked and closed.
At the end of it - yes, I missed them. Yes, I wish it didn't have to end like it did. However, I knew that it needed to end like that. It needed to have the blow-up - and the distance. All of it was needed for the growth that I had after the fact. I am a firm believer in growing through what you go through. Not a single time have I gone back to something that forced me to grow due to a negative environment and it bring me any sort of positivity.
I used to give people thousands of chances for people to show me their true colors, but honestly, they showed me the first time. When everything went to shit the first time I should have believed it. Yet, I did not. I kept going back thinking that things would be different. Now I have created a space that very select people can get into. There is no room for negativity, peace wreckers, or even for a little bit of chaos. I have hit a point of inner peace that I did not think would ever come to soothe my soul.
In turn - I am here to say that I understand that things like growing out of friends hurt. That hearing those hateful words doesn't feel great. Neither here nor there - you gotta go. It will hurt, you will miss them, you will not know what to think when you go to y'alls favorite restaurant with someone else, you will not know how to feel when the topic that they always soothed you on comes up, you won't have them to run to when you want to cry, and worst of all - you won't have them there when you want to celebrate. That is okay - and honestly, that is better. They were not meant to be there with you, because you would not have gotten there if they were with you. Sometimes the weight limit on that ladder can only handle you, and you have to learn to be okay with that.
Those are my wise words at the moment! Chat with ya later!
xoxo
Josephine A. Meinardus
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